March 13, 2025

 March 13, 2025

I never knew I was my own cause of my suffering. All my life I have caused myself unnecessary stress. I grew up with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety. I was always told I was crazy and I believed it. Heck, I was put in a special ed class and told I couldn't learn because I wasn't smart. Being put down for years had me believing I wasn't smart and couldn't do anything for myself without someone's help. And what's worse is I'm a Tom Boy so I was also told no guy would want me because I didn't dress or act like a lady. I just spent years chasing guys and having my whole world revolve relationships. I just said the heck with myself. After high school I dated someone who I thought liked me only to find out he was using me. Then at 21 years old I went from a chunky person to a 220 pound 21 year old. I had enough. So I went on a diet and fitness journey. Three tires and two years later I got the weight off and got down to 130 pounds by exercising everyday and eating healthy no fast foods whats so ever. At 26 years old my aunt introduced me to mediation. Toke me 6 months of every day practice but I got it. I mean mediation has helped me. Seems to clear my mind. Mindfulness and deep breathing exercises have helped. Seen then I just focus on myself.

I can't believe I'm now 40 years old and still healthy physically and mentally. It feels good. Still learning self love and self care since I've never been my own best friend. I am blessed I have my family, my health, and my freedom with no husband or kids. I just want to better myself more. I still find myself self sabotaging or putting myself down but it's not as bad.