All my life I've chased nothing but relationships. I honestly thought that love was real. That if I looked hard enough I'd find it. I went on dating sites spending hours and hours looking and chatting. Went on dates. Got close to guys only to end up hurt and alone. Most of them used me. They either want money or sex. I can remember telling guys on them dating sites that I didn't want a hookup or fwb just love. Now here I am 40 year old female with nothing to show but lessons learned the hard way. After years of chasing I don't really know myself so now I'm stepping back from the fantasy of love that Disney movies has gave me from my childhood. I look back and don't even recognize my past self. I gave up so much for so called love even giving power over to a guy. I let a guy talk any way to me and do whatever he wanted. I let him ghost me, hurt, and reappear like it was nothing. I just didn't care as long as the guy didn't leave me. Boy, what a wake up call. After years of this I'm finally letting go of the thing called love and focusing on myself and being better to myself.
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