March 23, 2025

 I did it. I got my last debt paid. It was a huge debt. First I got my credit card debt from 1600 to 140. And now I got my student loan from 1076 to 0. Thank goodness them high debts were paid. It sucked. I was stubborn and didn't want to pay them but had no choice. I know what happens when you let debt sit and get old. It gets worse. I grew up around parents, a aunt, and a babysitter who let their debt get old and it made their credit score go so low they couldn't even get approved for a car. I've been around people who were so bad with debt that they went to them buy here pay here lots and within months had their car repoed. I'm not going to be like them. I might not be rich but I'm going to be responsible with my money.I'm not going to live life paycheck to paycheck or be old with no money. I unfortunately had to use my emergency fund to pay off that last big debt of 1076. But since I got that paid and have no high debts I can rebuild my emergency fund and start over again. It sucked to having to use my emergency fund but I know that I'm being stubborn and not wanting to use my emergency fund and it'll just get worse sitting there. So I just did it and feel so much better. Still sucks rebuilding I hate starting all over again but have no choice. It's better to rebuild then to let it get worse. 

I'm 40 and its starting to hit me hard that life is hard. I mean it is really hard and all my life I would get upset because I thought life was suppose to be easy. But now that I'm older I'm seeing life is hard and it's not suppose to be easy. It sucks but I'm am managing. Trying to be more independent and stand on my own. I think another thing that has gotten the best of me and what really messed me up was instant gratification. I always wanted things now and not later. I'd hate waiting and if I had to wait I'd think it was a waste of time. But I'm learning where I'm messing up and letting it sink in and teach me. Now I know everything takes time and I just have to learn to be patient. I do tend to slip up and compare myself to my peers at work which doesn't help as I've learned that lesson before. But this is my path and accepting it and working with it is all I can do to make things better for myself.