Reddit: How can I be more confident and outgoing?

How can I be more confident and outgoing?

r/selfimprovement

PrimaryAstronaut1902

I’m autistic (high functioning) and want to be more confident, less shy, less awkward, and more outgoing. I want to make new friends, but don’t really know how. I also want to find a romantic partner and realize I need to start talking to more women, but I have bad approach anxiety and feel awkward trying to start conversations in public places like bars. Any tips on what I can do to fix this?

Me.OP just take things one step at a time. I'm 40 and just learning to be more confident and outgoing after years of having adults tell me as a child to be quiet. It takes time. Don't rush it or except instant gratification. Just focus on yourself and improving in all areas of yourself. This is what has helped me. Good luck!!

The Courage to be happy.

Wow, I just discovered from the book titled The Courage to be happy discover the power of positive psychology and choosing happiness every day. By Book by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi

The number one thing I liked about this book is that it helped me overcome the fear of judgment. It made me realize once I stopped caring about what people thought of me. I’d be happy. All my life I’ve always cared what people thought about me and it just brought me down and made me hate myself more.

Seems the older I get the more I start to care about myself and be there for myself almost like my best friend to myself. I feel like I’m being the mother I never had. I don’t feel selfish at all for it. I seem more happy when I do focus on myself. Things outside of my life doesn’t seem to bother me as much. Like I don’t care that I’m not hearing from any guys wanting to take me out or wondering what such and such is doing and why he hasn’t text me. 

It’s nice learning how to love myself and accept myself for who I am then being a people pleaser. I always chased after people and now. I stopped that because now I’m working on myself and loving myself for it. I just wish I’d learned it sooner in life, but at least I’m learning it at 40 rather than never on my deathbed.

I also realize that since I love myself, I stand up for myself. I’m not scared to stand up for myself anymore. No one tries the boy may not even my boss or coworkers. It feels good to finally love myself enough to stand up for myself.

So nice

It’s so nice being at the gym on the treadmill listening to self improvement videos while getting my workout in. It’s better than my music. I love learning new ways to improve myself since all my life I pretty much chased guys and never really focused on me. 

I think the biggest thing right now is learning how to be in control of my emotions rather than making me act out or give up on something. Sometimes my emotions have me feeling bored or not productive and I don’t wanna work on things so it’s nice to acknowledge them. Take a breather and do it anyways. It feels great. 

I’m starting to realize that I took relationships way too seriously in my youth. I’m also seeing that people don’t take relationship seriously. People spend time with you when they want to not when you want to. I can’t believe how much I’ve given up for a guy. I literally don’t need anything for a guy just for the guy to leave. I always thought I was real good to the guy knew anything he wanted he’d stay but in reality that’s not true. Now here I am at 40 and have nothing to show for it but scars from being hurt and used

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Reddit. She blocked me

u/1Th3Gentl3man

She blocked me from everywhere and the only memory I have of her is how it endedI wish when she decided to give up on us she would leave the channel open even if we weren’t supposed to talk. I’m stewing in the memories of how it ended, and my thoughts of everything she would be doing rn is eating me up from the inside.I wish it never came to this. I wish life was simpler where we could make mistakes, learn and evolve. I wish things weren’t like this.I live all alone in a foreign country and other than her i don’t know anybody. I feel so alone and scared mentally and physically. I wish the distractions would work. I wish i was heartless and just moved on like it was nothing.It’s tough when someone spends their entire relationship with you telling you what US means to them and then disappear over mistakes.How do you guys cope with that gut wrenching feeling of them not being here, sitting on your hands being unable to do anything about your love for them?

From me.You can't change the ending. But you can change the present and how to go forward to the future. Focus on yourself. I was in your shoes blocked by guys who I thought liked me. I did what you're doing obsessing over the way it ended and let me tell you its a waste. Your mind needs a break so as I've said please just focus on yourself.

April 02, 2025

 Wow, already April. Time is really going by fast as the older I get. The older I get the more I realize trying to get a job is hard. I went on a interview last week with Sheetz. I got a text offering me the job yesterday thing is its only part time. They will have me do two 8 hour days and one 4 hour day with pay at 14.00. They said they will train me and once I'm done training they will send me to another store full time. They want me to turn in my 2 weeks notice. I haven't decided on what I will do yet. I work in a nursing home doing housekeeping at 11.50 an hour and it sucks. But the Sheetz person said they will send me to another Sheetz for a full time job as soon as I'm doing with my training. I just want to get out of that nursing home. I'm tired of being a hard worker with pay of 11.50. It's getting me down and I'm ready for a change.

I'm starting to learn more about myself. I'm learning that I am a introversion. I like deep thinking. I also feel things stronger which sucks. But I am learning how to be mindful of my thoughts and emotions and not letting them control me. It feel great knowing how to handle my thoughts and emotions after years and years of letting my thoughts and emotions control me and causing me suffering. I feel like I can finally live life through my eyes and not my emotions or thoughts. It's nice not acting like a fool because of my thoughts and emotions. Maybe now I can get my life together since I'm in full control. 

I've never really took time to better myself except with fitness and healthy eating. I've always been to busy chasing a guy or taking care of other people or letting other people use me. I'm tired of that ole me. No more of letting people use me or chasing some guy. It feels good to be bettering myself. I don't feel selfish at all. I feel like I'm actually starting to love myself. Like I use to think I had to find love from some guy never knew love could come from me and its so great. I feel like I can finally take care of myself to where people or guys can't use me or hurt me anymore. Just wished I'd learn this sooner in life but at least I'm waking up at 40 rather than later or never.

 March 30, 2025

Feel REAL LOVE by letting go of people and situations.

Have you ever hold on to a person or a situation, even if you knew it was not good for you? Did you keep resisting change and accepting the facts and signals that life kept sending you? If you've struggled with this, know that REAL LOVE is key to finally let go and move on. Fear, hate, resentment and revenge fellings only keep you trapped in that situation you don't like, so start practicing love for real! ❤️ Break free!

The more you detach,

the more you're going to feel love, the better you're going to feel with yourself, the more you're going to be happy.

I want to give you some tips tips about how to let go of expectations, let go of something or someone, by practicing real love. It's a process that takes a lot of time and requires a lot of reflection, a lot of internal process, and internal work. But once you do it and once you go through it, it's so amazing! It's life changing. And you can make it too! :-)

LISTEN to the learnings and experiences from my own journey of overcoming challenges, in a video on my self development YT Channel. It'll definitely motivate you and give you another perspective 🥰 The power of real love & letting go of expectations

March 27, 2025

 Yay. Went on an interview yesterday with Sheetz. This was the 3rd Sheetz interview I had and the funny thing is the person who interview had interviewed me before. So at least I wasn't so nervous. She told me the reason she didn't hire me for my last interview was because the location was bad area for me. Which I was shocked because I thought I did something wrong. Guess it shows you not everything is about you. So now we wait to see if we hear something she said she'll call me this Tuesday if she wants to hire me. 

Been spending the day looking for a job. All day put in applications. I never knew getting a job was this hard. Back in my 20s and 30s I didn't really work on my job side. I was to busy chasing relationships. Now at 40 I want to slap my younger self. I should have went to school, got more experience in more areas. Now it seems I can just get a job that is manual labor. I enjoy it as it does keep me moving but the pay isn't there and I don't know how long my body will allow me to do it. 

The good thing is in my youth I stayed away from smoking, drinking, drugs, and partying. I also didn't get married, have kids, workout, eat healthy, and take care of my skin. So at least I did something right in my youth. The bad thing is I let my whole world revolve around relationships. All that got me was being used and hurt. I'm still numb from the last hurt I got. 

I always thought I'd be married, with kids, be a housewife, and a stay at home mom. Never imagine that I'd be 40 busting my ass to make ends meet yet be a fitness and health junkie. I mean I do have my family so I am happy and a decent job.