April 02, 2025

 Wow, already April. Time is really going by fast as the older I get. The older I get the more I realize trying to get a job is hard. I went on a interview last week with Sheetz. I got a text offering me the job yesterday thing is its only part time. They will have me do two 8 hour days and one 4 hour day with pay at 14.00. They said they will train me and once I'm done training they will send me to another store full time. They want me to turn in my 2 weeks notice. I haven't decided on what I will do yet. I work in a nursing home doing housekeeping at 11.50 an hour and it sucks. But the Sheetz person said they will send me to another Sheetz for a full time job as soon as I'm doing with my training. I just want to get out of that nursing home. I'm tired of being a hard worker with pay of 11.50. It's getting me down and I'm ready for a change.

I'm starting to learn more about myself. I'm learning that I am a introversion. I like deep thinking. I also feel things stronger which sucks. But I am learning how to be mindful of my thoughts and emotions and not letting them control me. It feel great knowing how to handle my thoughts and emotions after years and years of letting my thoughts and emotions control me and causing me suffering. I feel like I can finally live life through my eyes and not my emotions or thoughts. It's nice not acting like a fool because of my thoughts and emotions. Maybe now I can get my life together since I'm in full control. 

I've never really took time to better myself except with fitness and healthy eating. I've always been to busy chasing a guy or taking care of other people or letting other people use me. I'm tired of that ole me. No more of letting people use me or chasing some guy. It feels good to be bettering myself. I don't feel selfish at all. I feel like I'm actually starting to love myself. Like I use to think I had to find love from some guy never knew love could come from me and its so great. I feel like I can finally take care of myself to where people or guys can't use me or hurt me anymore. Just wished I'd learn this sooner in life but at least I'm waking up at 40 rather than later or never.