March 30, 2025

Feel REAL LOVE by letting go of people and situations.

Have you ever hold on to a person or a situation, even if you knew it was not good for you? Did you keep resisting change and accepting the facts and signals that life kept sending you? If you've struggled with this, know that REAL LOVE is key to finally let go and move on. Fear, hate, resentment and revenge fellings only keep you trapped in that situation you don't like, so start practicing love for real! ❤️ Break free!

The more you detach,

the more you're going to feel love, the better you're going to feel with yourself, the more you're going to be happy.

I want to give you some tips tips about how to let go of expectations, let go of something or someone, by practicing real love. It's a process that takes a lot of time and requires a lot of reflection, a lot of internal process, and internal work. But once you do it and once you go through it, it's so amazing! It's life changing. And you can make it too! :-)

LISTEN to the learnings and experiences from my own journey of overcoming challenges, in a video on my self development YT Channel. It'll definitely motivate you and give you another perspective 🥰 The power of real love & letting go of expectations

March 27, 2025

 Yay. Went on an interview yesterday with Sheetz. This was the 3rd Sheetz interview I had and the funny thing is the person who interview had interviewed me before. So at least I wasn't so nervous. She told me the reason she didn't hire me for my last interview was because the location was bad area for me. Which I was shocked because I thought I did something wrong. Guess it shows you not everything is about you. So now we wait to see if we hear something she said she'll call me this Tuesday if she wants to hire me. 

Been spending the day looking for a job. All day put in applications. I never knew getting a job was this hard. Back in my 20s and 30s I didn't really work on my job side. I was to busy chasing relationships. Now at 40 I want to slap my younger self. I should have went to school, got more experience in more areas. Now it seems I can just get a job that is manual labor. I enjoy it as it does keep me moving but the pay isn't there and I don't know how long my body will allow me to do it. 

The good thing is in my youth I stayed away from smoking, drinking, drugs, and partying. I also didn't get married, have kids, workout, eat healthy, and take care of my skin. So at least I did something right in my youth. The bad thing is I let my whole world revolve around relationships. All that got me was being used and hurt. I'm still numb from the last hurt I got. 

I always thought I'd be married, with kids, be a housewife, and a stay at home mom. Never imagine that I'd be 40 busting my ass to make ends meet yet be a fitness and health junkie. I mean I do have my family so I am happy and a decent job. 

March 25,2025

 I didn't sleep well last night. I got a lovely head cold so I wasn't able to sleep much maybe 30 mins. Woke up this morning still feeling like crap and my depression started bothering me some as well. I called from work today since I feel bad. I work in a nursing home so thats probably where I got it. 

Anyways, while I was trying to sleep laying there my mind started to wonder. I keep seeing my peers who I grew up with be married with kids. Yeah, I know it's probably not happy behind closed doors but I do wonder to myself why I never met the right guy and had a family with a career. Like I use to always have that dream of marriage and kids and now at 40 its dead. It just hurts everyone of my peers got my dreams but I didn't. My grandparents were married for 71 years and I always told my grandma how lucky she was to have found someone. Yeah, I know there is more to life their finding a partner. It just makes me feel there is no one and I'm just here to learn, experience life, and take care of my mom. 

I also noticed while laying there trying fall asleep that I still hold on to the hurt of my childhood. I was always left out and alone so I ask myself,"Why"? "What did I do to deserve this"? It still hurts that I was treated as such when I know I didn't do anything to deserve it. I guess I just have to make peace with it.I know I'll never get the reasons why I was treated as such. I guess being mindful of my feelings and thoughts helps as well as putting it on here. Can't let the past make me a bitter or angry person.

My main issue right now is dealing with wanting instant gratification and envy. All my life I've always been wanting results now but I'm trying to learn to be more patient and wait things out. My envy is of my coworker. He has tons of money. Married, 5 kids, and his in laws are rich. Here I am struggling and having to watch him have money. I been reading up about envy and instant gratification but its definitely going to take time to adjust. 

March 23, 2025

 I did it. I got my last debt paid. It was a huge debt. First I got my credit card debt from 1600 to 140. And now I got my student loan from 1076 to 0. Thank goodness them high debts were paid. It sucked. I was stubborn and didn't want to pay them but had no choice. I know what happens when you let debt sit and get old. It gets worse. I grew up around parents, a aunt, and a babysitter who let their debt get old and it made their credit score go so low they couldn't even get approved for a car. I've been around people who were so bad with debt that they went to them buy here pay here lots and within months had their car repoed. I'm not going to be like them. I might not be rich but I'm going to be responsible with my money.I'm not going to live life paycheck to paycheck or be old with no money. I unfortunately had to use my emergency fund to pay off that last big debt of 1076. But since I got that paid and have no high debts I can rebuild my emergency fund and start over again. It sucked to having to use my emergency fund but I know that I'm being stubborn and not wanting to use my emergency fund and it'll just get worse sitting there. So I just did it and feel so much better. Still sucks rebuilding I hate starting all over again but have no choice. It's better to rebuild then to let it get worse. 

I'm 40 and its starting to hit me hard that life is hard. I mean it is really hard and all my life I would get upset because I thought life was suppose to be easy. But now that I'm older I'm seeing life is hard and it's not suppose to be easy. It sucks but I'm am managing. Trying to be more independent and stand on my own. I think another thing that has gotten the best of me and what really messed me up was instant gratification. I always wanted things now and not later. I'd hate waiting and if I had to wait I'd think it was a waste of time. But I'm learning where I'm messing up and letting it sink in and teach me. Now I know everything takes time and I just have to learn to be patient. I do tend to slip up and compare myself to my peers at work which doesn't help as I've learned that lesson before. But this is my path and accepting it and working with it is all I can do to make things better for myself. 

Homeless man needs reality check

 March 20, 2025

Had someone on Reddit  post in a group called,"Self Improvement' post the following.

How to feel grateful for life, when the life you currently have seems to be the opposite of what you want?

First post here.

As title says, I want to feel grateful for the life I now have and those people I hold the most dear but, life seems to be throwing nothing but curveballs my way.

Sure, my problems aren't as bad as most people are, I'd say, from the outside my life doesn't look so bad: I work a job I despise, but it's my only source of income at the moment and I cannot afford to look for another job in this economy; my parents, while loving towards me, seem to only care about themselves most of the time; I feel alone, even though I have friends.

Is this all a matter of perception? Is there something within me that has to change? Whichever tips you may have, thank you in advance.

My reply was: "OP honestly, start small. You woke up breathing and able to move? Show gratitude for that. Its small steps that turn into more thankful life. Sending positive energy your way and praying things get better for you. Good luck."

He replied with. Yeah, I take that for granted often. Thank you for the reality check"

I replied, 'OP don't ever take the little things for granted. I been working in a nursing home ( I do housekeeping ) for almost 5 years and let me tell you them elderly people would give anything to just be able to walk.'

He then said,Yes, I know what you mean, my work consists of translating calls for patients and often times I get calls from nursing homes and the situation they're in isn't always the most ideal one. Puts things into perspective once you get a glimpse into that life. Makes you appreciate your own life even more, but I find it hard sometimes to feel grateful for what I have, when all I've known is fear of the uncertain. But you're right about that. And, trust me, your work is truly valuable and I appreciate what you do.

Thanks for helping me understand these things out."

March 18

 March 18, 2025

Thank goodness I get paid tomorrow. Tired of having to dig into my emergency fund for gas. My job only pays me 11.50 but works me to death. The only good thing is the job keeps me busy. I'm always moving and on my feet. I also get in over 10,000 steps so I lose weight. Just wish the kitchen wasn't close by as they always offer me food and I have to watch what I eat. I need to be more mindful of what I eat. I'm getting older now as I'm turning 41 this summer so I definally have to take care of myself. Yes, I been a fitness and health junkie since I was 21 and kept it going but with me getting older I have to really be careful. And heart trouble runs in my family so I have to watch that. I also have to watch my mental health. I can tell the older I get the more I have to. If someone is toxic I cannot have them in my life because of my mental health. Never knew I'd be like this. Never knew I'd be looking out for my mental health. I've always toke thing so serious and let my OCD take full control of my mind. I'm tired of being the reason for my suffering. I'm learning to be mindful of my emotions and see them as just emotions nothing else then breathe and respond. Unfortunately, I'm learning that late in life. My mental health has toke it hard not knowing how to handle my emotions. My nerves are totally shoot. Yeah, my mental health has really caught up to me. Just wish I"d learn sooner in life this rather than at 40.  

March 13, 2025

 March 13, 2025

I never knew I was my own cause of my suffering. All my life I have caused myself unnecessary stress. I grew up with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety. I was always told I was crazy and I believed it. Heck, I was put in a special ed class and told I couldn't learn because I wasn't smart. Being put down for years had me believing I wasn't smart and couldn't do anything for myself without someone's help. And what's worse is I'm a Tom Boy so I was also told no guy would want me because I didn't dress or act like a lady. I just spent years chasing guys and having my whole world revolve relationships. I just said the heck with myself. After high school I dated someone who I thought liked me only to find out he was using me. Then at 21 years old I went from a chunky person to a 220 pound 21 year old. I had enough. So I went on a diet and fitness journey. Three tires and two years later I got the weight off and got down to 130 pounds by exercising everyday and eating healthy no fast foods whats so ever. At 26 years old my aunt introduced me to mediation. Toke me 6 months of every day practice but I got it. I mean mediation has helped me. Seems to clear my mind. Mindfulness and deep breathing exercises have helped. Seen then I just focus on myself.

I can't believe I'm now 40 years old and still healthy physically and mentally. It feels good. Still learning self love and self care since I've never been my own best friend. I am blessed I have my family, my health, and my freedom with no husband or kids. I just want to better myself more. I still find myself self sabotaging or putting myself down but it's not as bad.