Being abandoned.

Breakups are hard. Especially when you’re not expecting it. From my experience the ones you wasn't expecting are the hardest. The ones where they lie and say,"Oh no, we're cool everything good" yet they leave anyways it's like why lie and then hit me with an expecting breakup?

r/Breakups My advice for someone who spent 4 years together and dumped 10 days before wedding.

Due-Plane5097: 4 years and dumped 10 days before wedding. Me and My girlfriend were together for 4 years and about to marry.

She was organizing the decorations and the photographer.

Things took a bad turn 10 days before the wedding when she called it off and broke it off all together,broke up and moved on to radio silent. due to problems never fixed in the relationship.

These problems were not taken seriously by My side but also she never really showed they were that much of a problem for her.

Im left wondering what happened and in a storm of emotions.

What opinions do you ladies and gentleman have about this?

Me OP whatever you do. Please ( I'm talking as a woman with experience in breakups ) don't sit around and wait. I did that for years in my youth and its just a waste. If I were you I'd just accept the fact shes gone and just focus solely on myself both mentally and physically. This is what I wish I'd done in my youth. Good luck and we are all rooting for you.

When you can't get your ex out of your mind.

 I been through plenty of breakups in my life. You have to reset your mind to the present. Everytime she pops up in your mind you acknowledge the thought of her and let it go. With time and practice this will help you reset your mind.  

I hate you left me. I have that I was loving and caring towards you and you still left me. Never once did I raise my voice. Stood by you when you were on disability and even paid your rent once because you didn’t have the money. I never complained any. Even you said I was the first person to stand by you. Yet this is how you treat me. What you put me through because I been so good to you. For you to just leave because relationships aren’t for you after almost 3 years? Why? 

Just wish you could have been a man and told me sooner rather than almost 3 years later. I'm just going to focus on myself and my healing. I can't sit around and cause myself suffering over you all because you left me. Just going to be there for myself. Be there for myself as my own best friend. This is a lesson in learning to heal and let go. I know not to fight life when it gives me lessons. I know its better to accept what life has given me as a lesson so I can heal and move on faster. 

I know I did the best I could for you and our relationship and with that I'll be able to heal faster. I just have to reset my mind to things being different now that your not here anymore. 

I hate it when I’m nothing but loving, caring, and understanding yet they leave anyways. For example, when a my ex gets busy with work and says their to busy with work and I should go find someone else yet I never complained any or said anything. But they think I deserve be

But there’s nothing I can do except learn and keep going. I do everything I could for him and the relationship. But he doesn’t feel like a relationship is for him and hates leaving me waiting. But his mind is made up and I can’t change it. Now to just focus on myself. I’m not going to beg as I know my worth I”m not begging anyone I know my worth. 

Yes, I may cry and listen to stupid breakup songs but that’s it. Not going to ask stupid tarot cards online if he’s coming back. Hell one time I done something stupid I paid a family friend ( who claimed she was a witch ) over 200 dollars to bring someone back and keep them with me and did it work? NO!!! Did I feel like a damn fool? YES!!! She was fake. 

I have to learn to let go. When a man says,”I don’t want a relationship”. I have to listen and not beg or try to change his mind. I have to just accept it and work on my healing. Even though I get tired of going through heartbreak after heartbreak I have to just deal with it. Hurts like hell. It sometimes gets so strong that I feel like its going to kill me. 

But it makes me stronger and wiser. I mean I get this is a lesson and all but damn it hurts. I mean I wish life would just give me a break on the lessons. I’m also tired of having to move on and start all over again. It gets harder when you get older. Another thing is people don’t care that you’re hurting. They don’t want to hear you’re hurting. tter and leave

It hurts like hell. I feel like I got used and then dumped because I was a nice person. I guess I always thought no matter what as long as I was loving and caring the person would stay. But apparently I was wrong they leave anyways. I wished I hadn’t listen to my teachers and family growing up when they said,”Always be nice to people and be respectful”. Thats total bull crap people will just use you and keep you going. 

When did you realize you were over your breakup?

I realize I was over it when I stopped waking up in the morning thinking of my ex. It was like being able to breathe without any heartbreak. When I could get through my day without being upset when ever my ex popped up in my head. When I noticed I could focus on the present and not be obsessing over my ex. Or when I would check out guys and not compare them to my ex. Or when I'd go out in public and see couples together and not get jealous. When stupid love songs or heartbreak songs didn't upset me. When I didn't go to bed wanting my ex to be sleeping beside me.

How has the breakup changed you as a person?

How has the breakup changed you as a person?

For me the breakups that have happen to me ( I've had plenty ) have made me for one not trust people only trust their actions, two I'm a nice person and people feel bad for breaking up with me, and three it taught me that I'm stronger than I ever knew. It has also taught me that people really don't care. That people are going to do what they want no matter if it hurts me or not. I also learned that you can be the best partner and never have any problems yet they can still walk away. The breakup also taught me that its always about me sometimes its about the other person and who they are and how they feel. I also learned you can't force someone to love you or stay with you no matter how much you beg or love them. I also learned when someone can walk away from you don't beg instead focus on yourself and your healing. Breakups happen but in the end its only what you can control not about chasing them. In my youth I use to torture myself wanting them back but now at 40 I've learned to stop being the reason for my suffering and instead be the reason why I healed and moved on.