Self love for adults and young ppl going through a breakup

Self love for adults  and young ppl going through a breakup 

1.  Acceptance. Except that your partner no longer wants to be with you. The sooner you accept this as sooner you can begin to move on from this experience.

2. Emotions. You definitely accept your emotions no matter how high low they are there. Your human you got emotions so you might as well learn how to accept it.

     3. Be kind to yourself. Don't kick yourself or put yourself down in the process. Breakups happen all the time to everyone. 

        4. Mindfulness. Being aware of your thoughts and emotions. Don't judge them accept them and feel them. Don't push them away. Thoughts and emotions are at a all time high when your going through a breakup so being aware of them and accepting them for what they are ( just thoughts and emotions ) will make the process easier.

        5. Don't beg. Please, please, please don't beg. Begging does nothing but feed their ego and makes you look awful. 

6. Journaling. I've had a journal since I was 8 years old and it is great for writing out your emotions and thoughts. You can use your journal to vent and vent all you want.

7. Don't stalk your ex. For God sakes don't stalk them. Don't look at their social media, don't call or text, and don't go by their house.

8. Don't think they were the one. If they were the one they couldn't leave.

9.  Don't keep playing good time events or looking at old text messages. 

10. Don't sit by your phone hoping they will call and have a change of heart. 

 I have no one to blame for the way my life is right now. I'm at a job making 11.50 an hour barely making it. I have $1200 saved in my emergency fund that I thought about putting on a down payment for a better more gas saving card and I get denied constantly from lenders. My credit is 612 but still the interest rates are high. I wished in my youth I'd worked on myself more. But no I sit on my ass and did nothing but go on stupid dating apps hoping to find Mr. Right and all I got out of that was being used and hurt. 

It's my fault for not trying to better myself in my youth. I had so much oppranties to do so. I wish I could just slap my younger self for being so naive. Yeah, I get it. I was young and shouldn't be so hard on myself but it still sucks being 40 at a job making 11.50 when I could be doing so much better had I focused on myself in my youth. And life now and days is hard. Everything is expensive.  

Dumb love

All my life I've chased nothing but relationships. I honestly thought that love was real. That if I looked hard enough I'd find it. I went on dating sites spending hours and hours looking and chatting. Went on dates. Got close to guys only to end up hurt and alone. Most of them used me. They either want money or sex. I can remember telling guys on them dating sites that I didn't want a hookup or fwb just love. Now here I am 40 year old female with nothing to show but lessons learned the hard way. After years of chasing I don't really know myself so now I'm stepping back from the fantasy of love that Disney movies has gave me from my childhood. I look back and don't even recognize my past self. I gave up so much for so called love even giving power over to a guy. I let a guy talk any way to me and do whatever he wanted. I let him ghost me, hurt, and reappear like it was nothing. I just didn't care as long as the guy didn't leave me. Boy, what a wake up call. After years of this I'm finally letting go of the thing called love and focusing on myself and being better to myself. 

I don’t know why I let him ignore me and keep me on delivered. I don't know why I let it get to me. I guess I thought since I was loving and patient with him he'd treat me good, but I didn’t know he would treat me like this. It’s like why would you want to treat somebody who is loyal respectful and love it like this? I guess it’s just he likes having the power of control to do this stuff. 

This is what I hate about being a good person. I let men do this to me. I gotta just start standing up to such treatment. I’m getting older now and I know I've wore myself out mentally and emotionally. I can’t keep digging myself in an early grave with worrying anxiety. It doesn't change the men. Now I know why the statemeant, "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength"By Marcus Aurelius is. I don't have the power to control him leaving me on delivered, but I have control over the way I act. And honestly, I'm wore out and tired of causing my own suffering. It doesn't make him talk to me. So why keep causing myself stress?

Now I just got to change myself mentally. Stop looking at my phone to see if he's seen my text. Stop hoping he'll text me back. And stop getting upset because I haven't heard from him. I know in the past I've been ghosted badly and I guess that fear drives me to act the way I do when someone goes quiet. I know there's still deep seated wounds inside from past ghosting. 

When it comes to my past wounds. I acknowledge them and feel them. I can't chase them away. I can only feel them. Not afraid of feeling my emotions as long as I don't let them take over. 

Sad

 A good friend of mine who was only 49 passed away 2 days ago April 07. He thought the world of me. We had a gufe falling out and reconnected this year. We made peace with each other. Last time we talked was early March. He told me that he had emphysema and the doctors said he had a few months to live. He was also being put on disability. Then he joked with me by saying if I married him I'd be the one getting his life insurance if he passed. He also told me he still loved me and wanted to spend the next last months with me. 

I really hate he passed but I knew he wasn't happy. He regretted not taking care of his health. He always use to tell me how he wished he was a health nut like me. I can still remember our late night talks about life and how he always texted me in the morning with,"Good morning baby". God I miss that. When we first met it was at work and I was going threw a bad breakup. He talked to me daily and helped me get threw them dark days. He shared with me how he's been hurt by women. He shared his whole life story with me. He had a teenage daughter with his ex and he always said she helped him threw a lot. 

Now here I am writing about our time together. Never imagine I would be doing this. But I hope he's happy and at peace. 

I did something stupid. I gave him and text him. And of course I didn’t get a response. It just drove me crazy all day. Why leave me on open but then doesn’t message me. He claims we’re a couple but he won’t act like it. It’s been hail on my mental health all day. It’s not hard for someone to tell me they’re not interested but instead, he don’t do anything. I just wish he’d be upfront with me and quit wasting my time. It’s embarrassing, breaking down and finally giving in and texting the person I wanted to get left on delivered. And then he wonders why I don’t feel like we are a couple. He doesn’t act like it.

And what’s worse I have been offered a part-time job at Sheetz, but I’m afraid I’m gonna have to turn it down as it’s only part time. My manager said he can get me full-time at another store after my training, but I don’t wanna wait too long and there’s no guarantee I’ll get the full-time job after training. I didn’t realize how hard jobhunting was. I thought after one interview I’d be sealed, but apparently that’s not the case. It’s a lot more to job hunting and interviewing and getting hired than I thought. The place where I am now only pays $11.50 full-time and it’s not enough.

Jerks

I hate it when the guy I’ve been seeing goes quiet and leaves me on open. At first, he left me on delivered now he left me on open. It’s so aggravating.

I look at my phone wishing he would text. I get Texas, but they’re from other people and they’re not from him. I’ve tried to keep this from causing me torture. I wish he’d make time for me. I know for a fact, he don’t care as his actions tell me last time I went and seen him. It had been a while and he embrace me with the biggest hug he’s ever gave me and help me. I was so shocked.And then he wondered why I was so surprised and I was like well you don’t ever express feelings for me. 

I also hate when he looks at my stories on Snapchat but keeps me on delivered or opened. Yeah, I know he’s a selfish jerk. Why I like him I don’t know. I’ve always liked selfish jerks. Guess it’s because I was raised around jerks. I just need to let the past go and heal from being with jerks.

Reddit: How can I be more confident and outgoing?

How can I be more confident and outgoing?

r/selfimprovement

PrimaryAstronaut1902

I’m autistic (high functioning) and want to be more confident, less shy, less awkward, and more outgoing. I want to make new friends, but don’t really know how. I also want to find a romantic partner and realize I need to start talking to more women, but I have bad approach anxiety and feel awkward trying to start conversations in public places like bars. Any tips on what I can do to fix this?

Me.OP just take things one step at a time. I'm 40 and just learning to be more confident and outgoing after years of having adults tell me as a child to be quiet. It takes time. Don't rush it or except instant gratification. Just focus on yourself and improving in all areas of yourself. This is what has helped me. Good luck!!

The Courage to be happy.

Wow, I just discovered from the book titled The Courage to be happy discover the power of positive psychology and choosing happiness every day. By Book by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi

The number one thing I liked about this book is that it helped me overcome the fear of judgment. It made me realize once I stopped caring about what people thought of me. I’d be happy. All my life I’ve always cared what people thought about me and it just brought me down and made me hate myself more.

Seems the older I get the more I start to care about myself and be there for myself almost like my best friend to myself. I feel like I’m being the mother I never had. I don’t feel selfish at all for it. I seem more happy when I do focus on myself. Things outside of my life doesn’t seem to bother me as much. Like I don’t care that I’m not hearing from any guys wanting to take me out or wondering what such and such is doing and why he hasn’t text me. 

It’s nice learning how to love myself and accept myself for who I am then being a people pleaser. I always chased after people and now. I stopped that because now I’m working on myself and loving myself for it. I just wish I’d learned it sooner in life, but at least I’m learning it at 40 rather than never on my deathbed.

I also realize that since I love myself, I stand up for myself. I’m not scared to stand up for myself anymore. No one tries the boy may not even my boss or coworkers. It feels good to finally love myself enough to stand up for myself.

So nice

It’s so nice being at the gym on the treadmill listening to self improvement videos while getting my workout in. It’s better than my music. I love learning new ways to improve myself since all my life I pretty much chased guys and never really focused on me. 

I think the biggest thing right now is learning how to be in control of my emotions rather than making me act out or give up on something. Sometimes my emotions have me feeling bored or not productive and I don’t wanna work on things so it’s nice to acknowledge them. Take a breather and do it anyways. It feels great. 

I’m starting to realize that I took relationships way too seriously in my youth. I’m also seeing that people don’t take relationship seriously. People spend time with you when they want to not when you want to. I can’t believe how much I’ve given up for a guy. I literally don’t need anything for a guy just for the guy to leave. I always thought I was real good to the guy knew anything he wanted he’d stay but in reality that’s not true. Now here I am at 40 and have nothing to show for it but scars from being hurt and used

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Reddit. She blocked me

u/1Th3Gentl3man

She blocked me from everywhere and the only memory I have of her is how it endedI wish when she decided to give up on us she would leave the channel open even if we weren’t supposed to talk. I’m stewing in the memories of how it ended, and my thoughts of everything she would be doing rn is eating me up from the inside.I wish it never came to this. I wish life was simpler where we could make mistakes, learn and evolve. I wish things weren’t like this.I live all alone in a foreign country and other than her i don’t know anybody. I feel so alone and scared mentally and physically. I wish the distractions would work. I wish i was heartless and just moved on like it was nothing.It’s tough when someone spends their entire relationship with you telling you what US means to them and then disappear over mistakes.How do you guys cope with that gut wrenching feeling of them not being here, sitting on your hands being unable to do anything about your love for them?

From me.You can't change the ending. But you can change the present and how to go forward to the future. Focus on yourself. I was in your shoes blocked by guys who I thought liked me. I did what you're doing obsessing over the way it ended and let me tell you its a waste. Your mind needs a break so as I've said please just focus on yourself.

April 02, 2025

 Wow, already April. Time is really going by fast as the older I get. The older I get the more I realize trying to get a job is hard. I went on a interview last week with Sheetz. I got a text offering me the job yesterday thing is its only part time. They will have me do two 8 hour days and one 4 hour day with pay at 14.00. They said they will train me and once I'm done training they will send me to another store full time. They want me to turn in my 2 weeks notice. I haven't decided on what I will do yet. I work in a nursing home doing housekeeping at 11.50 an hour and it sucks. But the Sheetz person said they will send me to another Sheetz for a full time job as soon as I'm doing with my training. I just want to get out of that nursing home. I'm tired of being a hard worker with pay of 11.50. It's getting me down and I'm ready for a change.

I'm starting to learn more about myself. I'm learning that I am a introversion. I like deep thinking. I also feel things stronger which sucks. But I am learning how to be mindful of my thoughts and emotions and not letting them control me. It feel great knowing how to handle my thoughts and emotions after years and years of letting my thoughts and emotions control me and causing me suffering. I feel like I can finally live life through my eyes and not my emotions or thoughts. It's nice not acting like a fool because of my thoughts and emotions. Maybe now I can get my life together since I'm in full control. 

I've never really took time to better myself except with fitness and healthy eating. I've always been to busy chasing a guy or taking care of other people or letting other people use me. I'm tired of that ole me. No more of letting people use me or chasing some guy. It feels good to be bettering myself. I don't feel selfish at all. I feel like I'm actually starting to love myself. Like I use to think I had to find love from some guy never knew love could come from me and its so great. I feel like I can finally take care of myself to where people or guys can't use me or hurt me anymore. Just wished I'd learn this sooner in life but at least I'm waking up at 40 rather than later or never.