When he says he's interested in you but won't make time

When he says he's interested in you but won't make time please for God's sake don't do what I did.

1. Don't think he'll come around because he won't.

2. His actions never lie.

3. Don't live in the past ( when you first met him and things were great ) as that will keep you stuck.

4. Don't think,"But I invested so much time in him". This is a sunk cost, sometimes called a retrospective cost, refers to an investment already incurred that can't be recovered. 

5. Don't blame yourself. You did everything you could for him.

6. Don't cause unnecessary stress wondering why or what you did wrong. Remember pain is inevitable suffering is optional.

7. Don't sit there staring at your phone hoping he'll call or text. He won't.

Remember if someone is into you their going to make time for you not make excuses. 

Stop putting your ex on a pedestal

Stop looking at your ex with rose-coloured glasses, you may still feel their voice whispering things to you, you may still feel as though they are still part of your life, as though there is hope for you two to be together. NEWSFLASH: THERE ISN'T. The only thing that exists is the here and now, and right now, your ex is not with you, they are no longer a part of your life, they could be with you and help you and be happy with you, but they chose not to because they'd rather have less and see you destroyed than have more and see you happy. It's not about how good or loving or perfect you are, they don't care. It's not enough for them to be successful, they want everyone else to be a failure. They don't care about your success. They want you to fail so that they may feel better about themselves, it's their problem, this has nothing to do with you.
The only thing you should care about. is this:
you are free of their influence, you are no longer under their control. You are free. And as painful and scary it may sound, you are free to make your life whatever you want it to be, and they won't stop you. Make it a good one. Try the things you always wanted to try but thought you couldn't. Plan for the future where you will thrive and not just survive. Look for someone else to fall in love with. Just because someone doesn't appreciate a diamond doesn't mean the diamond is worthless. Likewise, if someone doesn't appreciate you it does not mean that you are worthless, it means that they are stupid.
Enough about the past. Think of your future. You may not feel like it. That means it's not the right future. Think of a different future. Don't stop, keep moving forward, always, no matter what. You are in love with an illusion, NOT with reality. It was never real, because if it was real, they wouldn't have left you and broken your heart, they wouldn't have chosen someone else. You fell in love with them because you thought they are what they aren't, and they never loved you because if they did they would've never left you so easily, I mean, look at how much you are suffering. This is love. And their betrayal? That's simply not it. Sorry. But you need this to heal, trust me on this.

Best way to heal & let go of a break up

 Best way to heal & let go

How did you move on from your ex when you still love them deep down, but forcing yourself to let go because you both aren’t meant to be.

For me  I just took everything one day at a time. I had good days and bad days. What helped me is being aware of my emotions and thoughts and accepting them but not letting them control me. I journaled a lot. Not living in the past instead living in the here and now. With time I healed.

Dont watch those tarot card readings while going through a breakup! They are not real!!

4 years ago I had a bad breakup and got ghosted the day after my bday. Boy, let me tell you I was obsessed with tarot card readings asking if the guy who ghosted me would talk to me again hell I even went and PAID for a reading. Totally not worth it. Don't believe in that crap anymore. Best to accept their gone and focus on yourself and your healing as no one can heal you except yourself.

Being abandoned.

Breakups are hard. Especially when you’re not expecting it. From my experience the ones you wasn't expecting are the hardest. The ones where they lie and say,"Oh no, we're cool everything good" yet they leave anyways it's like why lie and then hit me with an expecting breakup?

r/Breakups My advice for someone who spent 4 years together and dumped 10 days before wedding.

Due-Plane5097: 4 years and dumped 10 days before wedding. Me and My girlfriend were together for 4 years and about to marry.

She was organizing the decorations and the photographer.

Things took a bad turn 10 days before the wedding when she called it off and broke it off all together,broke up and moved on to radio silent. due to problems never fixed in the relationship.

These problems were not taken seriously by My side but also she never really showed they were that much of a problem for her.

Im left wondering what happened and in a storm of emotions.

What opinions do you ladies and gentleman have about this?

Me OP whatever you do. Please ( I'm talking as a woman with experience in breakups ) don't sit around and wait. I did that for years in my youth and its just a waste. If I were you I'd just accept the fact shes gone and just focus solely on myself both mentally and physically. This is what I wish I'd done in my youth. Good luck and we are all rooting for you.

When you can't get your ex out of your mind.

 I been through plenty of breakups in my life. You have to reset your mind to the present. Everytime she pops up in your mind you acknowledge the thought of her and let it go. With time and practice this will help you reset your mind.  

I hate you left me. I have that I was loving and caring towards you and you still left me. Never once did I raise my voice. Stood by you when you were on disability and even paid your rent once because you didn’t have the money. I never complained any. Even you said I was the first person to stand by you. Yet this is how you treat me. What you put me through because I been so good to you. For you to just leave because relationships aren’t for you after almost 3 years? Why? 

Just wish you could have been a man and told me sooner rather than almost 3 years later. I'm just going to focus on myself and my healing. I can't sit around and cause myself suffering over you all because you left me. Just going to be there for myself. Be there for myself as my own best friend. This is a lesson in learning to heal and let go. I know not to fight life when it gives me lessons. I know its better to accept what life has given me as a lesson so I can heal and move on faster. 

I know I did the best I could for you and our relationship and with that I'll be able to heal faster. I just have to reset my mind to things being different now that your not here anymore. 

I hate it when I’m nothing but loving, caring, and understanding yet they leave anyways. For example, when a my ex gets busy with work and says their to busy with work and I should go find someone else yet I never complained any or said anything. But they think I deserve be

But there’s nothing I can do except learn and keep going. I do everything I could for him and the relationship. But he doesn’t feel like a relationship is for him and hates leaving me waiting. But his mind is made up and I can’t change it. Now to just focus on myself. I’m not going to beg as I know my worth I”m not begging anyone I know my worth. 

Yes, I may cry and listen to stupid breakup songs but that’s it. Not going to ask stupid tarot cards online if he’s coming back. Hell one time I done something stupid I paid a family friend ( who claimed she was a witch ) over 200 dollars to bring someone back and keep them with me and did it work? NO!!! Did I feel like a damn fool? YES!!! She was fake. 

I have to learn to let go. When a man says,”I don’t want a relationship”. I have to listen and not beg or try to change his mind. I have to just accept it and work on my healing. Even though I get tired of going through heartbreak after heartbreak I have to just deal with it. Hurts like hell. It sometimes gets so strong that I feel like its going to kill me. 

But it makes me stronger and wiser. I mean I get this is a lesson and all but damn it hurts. I mean I wish life would just give me a break on the lessons. I’m also tired of having to move on and start all over again. It gets harder when you get older. Another thing is people don’t care that you’re hurting. They don’t want to hear you’re hurting. tter and leave

It hurts like hell. I feel like I got used and then dumped because I was a nice person. I guess I always thought no matter what as long as I was loving and caring the person would stay. But apparently I was wrong they leave anyways. I wished I hadn’t listen to my teachers and family growing up when they said,”Always be nice to people and be respectful”. Thats total bull crap people will just use you and keep you going. 

When did you realize you were over your breakup?

I realize I was over it when I stopped waking up in the morning thinking of my ex. It was like being able to breathe without any heartbreak. When I could get through my day without being upset when ever my ex popped up in my head. When I noticed I could focus on the present and not be obsessing over my ex. Or when I would check out guys and not compare them to my ex. Or when I'd go out in public and see couples together and not get jealous. When stupid love songs or heartbreak songs didn't upset me. When I didn't go to bed wanting my ex to be sleeping beside me.

How has the breakup changed you as a person?

How has the breakup changed you as a person?

For me the breakups that have happen to me ( I've had plenty ) have made me for one not trust people only trust their actions, two I'm a nice person and people feel bad for breaking up with me, and three it taught me that I'm stronger than I ever knew. It has also taught me that people really don't care. That people are going to do what they want no matter if it hurts me or not. I also learned that you can be the best partner and never have any problems yet they can still walk away. The breakup also taught me that its always about me sometimes its about the other person and who they are and how they feel. I also learned you can't force someone to love you or stay with you no matter how much you beg or love them. I also learned when someone can walk away from you don't beg instead focus on yourself and your healing. Breakups happen but in the end its only what you can control not about chasing them. In my youth I use to torture myself wanting them back but now at 40 I've learned to stop being the reason for my suffering and instead be the reason why I healed and moved on.

Slowly learning to love myself by cutting off people who clearly don’t value me as much as I value them

I’m tired of chasing people. I’m tired of looking at my phone hoping someone anyone will text. There one guy I value and all I do is chase him only to be left on deliver or open. I'm tired of chasing as well only to be left on delivered or open for days or weeks. Just wish people had the nerve to say,"Hey, I'm not interested". Instead of me always chasing. 

I guess I’m learning self love and self respect now that I’m older. I also seen something on Reddit that made so much sense. It was a list in the self love group. It went like this. 

NOTE TO SELF:

Forget those who forget you.

Let it end. Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it go.

Don’t force your importance into someone’s life.

If they return, remember how they left you.

People lie, but actions don’t.

Everything happens for a reason. Stay calm.

Peace is always better than revenge. 

I’m glad I’m learning more and more about self love and respecting myself. It feels good.

 I hate being lonely. I'm a 40 year old female never married and no kids. I do have friends and family who I spend time with. I have my hobbies. I keep myself busy as much as I can and keep my mind busy with reading since I love to read and learn new things. But it still doesn't take away the feelings of being lonely. What's worse is the feeling of being lonely comes on strong. It usually comes on strong at night when I'm laying in bed with no one beside me or when I wake up in the mornings with no "Good morning" text from anyone. 

I know I don't need anyone. That I can handle life alone but it doesn't take away the loneliness I feel. I know I've been with a man and without one. I remember at 27 I watched my boyfriend die of a heart attack in the ER and that made me feel like a widow which made me stronger. It helped me realize I can move on from a guy and keep on living with my life. So I know how to live without someone. I just wish I knew how to live a life always feeling lonely. 

I always imagine that I'd be married, with kids, and be a stay at home mom and housewife. Never imagine that I'd be this. Not complaining I mean I am blessed. I have my health physically and mentally, I have my family, and my freedom. I just wasn't expecting to be alone in life without a partner. 

"How to Get Over a Breakup: 8 Steps to Start Healing"

                               "How to Get Over a Breakup: 8 Steps to Start Healing"

1.  Acceptance. Except that your partner no longer wants to be with you. The sooner you accept this as sooner you can begin to move on from this experience.

2. Emotions. You definitely accept your emotions no matter how high low they are there. Your human you got emotions so you might as well learn how to accept it.

     3. Be kind to yourself. Don't kick yourself or put yourself down in the process. Breakups happen all the time to everyone. 

        4. Mindfulness. Being aware of your thoughts and emotions. Don't judge them accept them and feel them. Don't push them away. Thoughts and emotions are at a all time high when your going through a breakup so being aware of them and accepting them for what they are ( just thoughts and emotions ) will make the process easier.

        5. Don't beg. Please, please, please don't beg. Begging does nothing but feed their ego and makes you look awful. 

6. Journaling. I've had a journal since I was 8 years old and it is great for writing out your emotions and thoughts. You can use your journal to vent and vent all you want.

7. Don't stalk your ex. For God sakes don't stalk them. Don't look at their social media, don't call or text, and don't go by their house.

8. Don't think they were the one. If they were the one they couldn't leave.

9.  Don't keep playing good time events or looking at old text messages. 

10. Don't sit by your phone hoping they will call and have a change of heart. 

 I have no one to blame for the way my life is right now. I'm at a job making 11.50 an hour barely making it. I have $1200 saved in my emergency fund that I thought about putting on a down payment for a better more gas saving card and I get denied constantly from lenders. My credit is 612 but still the interest rates are high. I wished in my youth I'd worked on myself more. But no I sit on my ass and did nothing but go on stupid dating apps hoping to find Mr. Right and all I got out of that was being used and hurt. 

It's my fault for not trying to better myself in my youth. I had so much oppranties to do so. I wish I could just slap my younger self for being so naive. Yeah, I get it. I was young and shouldn't be so hard on myself but it still sucks being 40 at a job making 11.50 when I could be doing so much better had I focused on myself in my youth. And life now and days is hard. Everything is expensive.  

Dumb love

All my life I've chased nothing but relationships. I honestly thought that love was real. That if I looked hard enough I'd find it. I went on dating sites spending hours and hours looking and chatting. Went on dates. Got close to guys only to end up hurt and alone. Most of them used me. They either want money or sex. I can remember telling guys on them dating sites that I didn't want a hookup or fwb just love. Now here I am 40 year old female with nothing to show but lessons learned the hard way. After years of chasing I don't really know myself so now I'm stepping back from the fantasy of love that Disney movies has gave me from my childhood. I look back and don't even recognize my past self. I gave up so much for so called love even giving power over to a guy. I let a guy talk any way to me and do whatever he wanted. I let him ghost me, hurt, and reappear like it was nothing. I just didn't care as long as the guy didn't leave me. Boy, what a wake up call. After years of this I'm finally letting go of the thing called love and focusing on myself and being better to myself. 

I don’t know why I let him ignore me and keep me on delivered. I don't know why I let it get to me. I guess I thought since I was loving and patient with him he'd treat me good, but I didn’t know he would treat me like this. It’s like why would you want to treat somebody who is loyal respectful and love it like this? I guess it’s just he likes having the power of control to do this stuff. 

This is what I hate about being a good person. I let men do this to me. I gotta just start standing up to such treatment. I’m getting older now and I know I've wore myself out mentally and emotionally. I can’t keep digging myself in an early grave with worrying anxiety. It doesn't change the men. Now I know why the statemeant, "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength"By Marcus Aurelius is. I don't have the power to control him leaving me on delivered, but I have control over the way I act. And honestly, I'm wore out and tired of causing my own suffering. It doesn't make him talk to me. So why keep causing myself stress?

Now I just got to change myself mentally. Stop looking at my phone to see if he's seen my text. Stop hoping he'll text me back. And stop getting upset because I haven't heard from him. I know in the past I've been ghosted badly and I guess that fear drives me to act the way I do when someone goes quiet. I know there's still deep seated wounds inside from past ghosting. 

When it comes to my past wounds. I acknowledge them and feel them. I can't chase them away. I can only feel them. Not afraid of feeling my emotions as long as I don't let them take over. 

Sad

 A good friend of mine who was only 49 passed away 2 days ago April 07. He thought the world of me. We had a gufe falling out and reconnected this year. We made peace with each other. Last time we talked was early March. He told me that he had emphysema and the doctors said he had a few months to live. He was also being put on disability. Then he joked with me by saying if I married him I'd be the one getting his life insurance if he passed. He also told me he still loved me and wanted to spend the next last months with me. 

I really hate he passed but I knew he wasn't happy. He regretted not taking care of his health. He always use to tell me how he wished he was a health nut like me. I can still remember our late night talks about life and how he always texted me in the morning with,"Good morning baby". God I miss that. When we first met it was at work and I was going threw a bad breakup. He talked to me daily and helped me get threw them dark days. He shared with me how he's been hurt by women. He shared his whole life story with me. He had a teenage daughter with his ex and he always said she helped him threw a lot. 

Now here I am writing about our time together. Never imagine I would be doing this. But I hope he's happy and at peace. 

I did something stupid. I gave him and text him. And of course I didn’t get a response. It just drove me crazy all day. Why leave me on open but then doesn’t message me. He claims we’re a couple but he won’t act like it. It’s been hail on my mental health all day. It’s not hard for someone to tell me they’re not interested but instead, he don’t do anything. I just wish he’d be upfront with me and quit wasting my time. It’s embarrassing, breaking down and finally giving in and texting the person I wanted to get left on delivered. And then he wonders why I don’t feel like we are a couple. He doesn’t act like it.

And what’s worse I have been offered a part-time job at Sheetz, but I’m afraid I’m gonna have to turn it down as it’s only part time. My manager said he can get me full-time at another store after my training, but I don’t wanna wait too long and there’s no guarantee I’ll get the full-time job after training. I didn’t realize how hard jobhunting was. I thought after one interview I’d be sealed, but apparently that’s not the case. It’s a lot more to job hunting and interviewing and getting hired than I thought. The place where I am now only pays $11.50 full-time and it’s not enough.

Jerks

I hate it when the guy I’ve been seeing goes quiet and leaves me on open. At first, he left me on delivered now he left me on open. It’s so aggravating.

I look at my phone wishing he would text. I get Texas, but they’re from other people and they’re not from him. I’ve tried to keep this from causing me torture. I wish he’d make time for me. I know for a fact, he don’t care as his actions tell me last time I went and seen him. It had been a while and he embrace me with the biggest hug he’s ever gave me and help me. I was so shocked.And then he wondered why I was so surprised and I was like well you don’t ever express feelings for me. 

I also hate when he looks at my stories on Snapchat but keeps me on delivered or opened. Yeah, I know he’s a selfish jerk. Why I like him I don’t know. I’ve always liked selfish jerks. Guess it’s because I was raised around jerks. I just need to let the past go and heal from being with jerks.

Reddit: How can I be more confident and outgoing?

How can I be more confident and outgoing?

r/selfimprovement

PrimaryAstronaut1902

I’m autistic (high functioning) and want to be more confident, less shy, less awkward, and more outgoing. I want to make new friends, but don’t really know how. I also want to find a romantic partner and realize I need to start talking to more women, but I have bad approach anxiety and feel awkward trying to start conversations in public places like bars. Any tips on what I can do to fix this?

Me.OP just take things one step at a time. I'm 40 and just learning to be more confident and outgoing after years of having adults tell me as a child to be quiet. It takes time. Don't rush it or except instant gratification. Just focus on yourself and improving in all areas of yourself. This is what has helped me. Good luck!!

The Courage to be happy.

Wow, I just discovered from the book titled The Courage to be happy discover the power of positive psychology and choosing happiness every day. By Book by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi

The number one thing I liked about this book is that it helped me overcome the fear of judgment. It made me realize once I stopped caring about what people thought of me. I’d be happy. All my life I’ve always cared what people thought about me and it just brought me down and made me hate myself more.

Seems the older I get the more I start to care about myself and be there for myself almost like my best friend to myself. I feel like I’m being the mother I never had. I don’t feel selfish at all for it. I seem more happy when I do focus on myself. Things outside of my life doesn’t seem to bother me as much. Like I don’t care that I’m not hearing from any guys wanting to take me out or wondering what such and such is doing and why he hasn’t text me. 

It’s nice learning how to love myself and accept myself for who I am then being a people pleaser. I always chased after people and now. I stopped that because now I’m working on myself and loving myself for it. I just wish I’d learned it sooner in life, but at least I’m learning it at 40 rather than never on my deathbed.

I also realize that since I love myself, I stand up for myself. I’m not scared to stand up for myself anymore. No one tries the boy may not even my boss or coworkers. It feels good to finally love myself enough to stand up for myself.

So nice

It’s so nice being at the gym on the treadmill listening to self improvement videos while getting my workout in. It’s better than my music. I love learning new ways to improve myself since all my life I pretty much chased guys and never really focused on me. 

I think the biggest thing right now is learning how to be in control of my emotions rather than making me act out or give up on something. Sometimes my emotions have me feeling bored or not productive and I don’t wanna work on things so it’s nice to acknowledge them. Take a breather and do it anyways. It feels great. 

I’m starting to realize that I took relationships way too seriously in my youth. I’m also seeing that people don’t take relationship seriously. People spend time with you when they want to not when you want to. I can’t believe how much I’ve given up for a guy. I literally don’t need anything for a guy just for the guy to leave. I always thought I was real good to the guy knew anything he wanted he’d stay but in reality that’s not true. Now here I am at 40 and have nothing to show for it but scars from being hurt and used

---

Reddit. She blocked me

u/1Th3Gentl3man

She blocked me from everywhere and the only memory I have of her is how it endedI wish when she decided to give up on us she would leave the channel open even if we weren’t supposed to talk. I’m stewing in the memories of how it ended, and my thoughts of everything she would be doing rn is eating me up from the inside.I wish it never came to this. I wish life was simpler where we could make mistakes, learn and evolve. I wish things weren’t like this.I live all alone in a foreign country and other than her i don’t know anybody. I feel so alone and scared mentally and physically. I wish the distractions would work. I wish i was heartless and just moved on like it was nothing.It’s tough when someone spends their entire relationship with you telling you what US means to them and then disappear over mistakes.How do you guys cope with that gut wrenching feeling of them not being here, sitting on your hands being unable to do anything about your love for them?

From me.You can't change the ending. But you can change the present and how to go forward to the future. Focus on yourself. I was in your shoes blocked by guys who I thought liked me. I did what you're doing obsessing over the way it ended and let me tell you its a waste. Your mind needs a break so as I've said please just focus on yourself.

April 02, 2025

 Wow, already April. Time is really going by fast as the older I get. The older I get the more I realize trying to get a job is hard. I went on a interview last week with Sheetz. I got a text offering me the job yesterday thing is its only part time. They will have me do two 8 hour days and one 4 hour day with pay at 14.00. They said they will train me and once I'm done training they will send me to another store full time. They want me to turn in my 2 weeks notice. I haven't decided on what I will do yet. I work in a nursing home doing housekeeping at 11.50 an hour and it sucks. But the Sheetz person said they will send me to another Sheetz for a full time job as soon as I'm doing with my training. I just want to get out of that nursing home. I'm tired of being a hard worker with pay of 11.50. It's getting me down and I'm ready for a change.

I'm starting to learn more about myself. I'm learning that I am a introversion. I like deep thinking. I also feel things stronger which sucks. But I am learning how to be mindful of my thoughts and emotions and not letting them control me. It feel great knowing how to handle my thoughts and emotions after years and years of letting my thoughts and emotions control me and causing me suffering. I feel like I can finally live life through my eyes and not my emotions or thoughts. It's nice not acting like a fool because of my thoughts and emotions. Maybe now I can get my life together since I'm in full control. 

I've never really took time to better myself except with fitness and healthy eating. I've always been to busy chasing a guy or taking care of other people or letting other people use me. I'm tired of that ole me. No more of letting people use me or chasing some guy. It feels good to be bettering myself. I don't feel selfish at all. I feel like I'm actually starting to love myself. Like I use to think I had to find love from some guy never knew love could come from me and its so great. I feel like I can finally take care of myself to where people or guys can't use me or hurt me anymore. Just wished I'd learn this sooner in life but at least I'm waking up at 40 rather than later or never.